Stupid Story's

[DanB]

Congrats

[bujub22]

spam my own thread

[ck-uk]

Couple of strangers were drinking at a cliffside bar overlooking
the ocean. Both of them look a little drunk, when one says to
the other: "Hey, look at the wind whipping up the side of that
cliff. It moves pretty fast. I'll bet I could jump off of the
ledge, catch the wind in my coat, and get lifted right back up to
the bar!"

"No way", says the other guy, "you'd fall to your death."

"Well, I'm going to try it!", says the first, and at that he walks
over, stands on the ledge, and leaps off in a swan dive. Sure
enough, he comes sailing back up in no time, and lands on his feet
right in front of the bar.

"I can't believe it!" says the second guy, "that's impossible" .
So the first drunk does it again: he jumps off the cliff, catches
the wind in his coat, and comes sailing back to the bar.

"Go ahead", he says, "try it, it's great!"

"Well, OK, I'm just drunk enough to give it a go", says the second
fellow. So he climbs the ledge and leaps off the cliff, only to
fall screaming to his death on the rocks below.

The first guy walks back to the bar and sits down to his drink.
The bartender steps over, looks him in the eye, and says to him:
"You know, you can be a real jerk sometimes when you've been
drinking, Superman".

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A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the internet and they asked for a credit card number, so she's using the ATM 'thingy'.


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I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in 'Twister'. I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the 'cruise control' and then went in the back to make a sandwich.


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There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him.
"Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him.

The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter.

Seeing the suitcase St. Peter says,
"Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying,
"You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims,
"You brought pavement?!!!"


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Bill Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and
Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25
flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill
stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor
Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will
tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in
the car!"