what is the crasiest thing you've done to win back the woman you loved?

[leonidas]

Leonidas,

Maybe the situation leads you to believe you can, but I honestly don't believe it's possible. Life is not like the movies. If you love her then you want her to love you. That is something you have no control over. You may be able to convince her to go out with you again, but be prepared to get hurt. If you honestly think that she would be happy if she gave you a chance, then give it time. By time I don't mean a week, or a month, I mean at least a year, probably more. This gives her time to forget about whatever broke you two up in the first place and remember everything she liked in the relationship. Try to stay friends. If you love her, than that should be better than nothing. It will be hard. In the mean time, move on. Believe me, I had my heart broke under the worst of circumstances and things aren't going as well as I would like, but I know that If I had fought as hard as I wanted too it would have only made things worse.

When you start winning back a loved one it can turn into an 'on again'/'off again' relationship. They are deadly. I've never been in one, but I've seen them many times. I honestly can't say that I've seen them ending in failure, but they are still young. They may last for a long time, but never seem to go anywhere either.

In my case, If we do end up together again someday, I want it to last. I don't want us working through our old relationship immediatly into our new relationship. My situation is this, we started dating senior year, we were engaged, we moved in together. Things were never 'bad' in our relationship. We didn't fight all the time. The idea of breaking up scared us both. In fact, her mom said after we had been engaged for about 6 months, "It's not like you are really going to end up together." OUCH! I can't say our entire breakup was because of that, but It certainly didn't help....anyhoo....In the end, she wanted to experience more before she ever considered settling down and that was that. Whatever her reasons are for breaking up with you, you must accept them. If it involves you changing and you know it will make you a better person, then go for it. Just don't try to convince her of it. It's easy to change for a short period of time, it's much harder to keep those changes. If the change is really enough to get her back, she'll notice and she should realize the change wasn't to impress her, it was to improve yourself.

Well, It's hard giving advice without the whole (or any) of the sitution. I'm just basing this on what I'm going through, and I am curious of what you think or if it relates. (This goes for anyone really...do you think I have the right frame of though here? I guess I'm giving advice to get advice... )

EDIT:
Love is based on how you feel when you are together, not on one grand memory. That memory fades and how she felt while it happened fades with it. (that's IF she responds positively) Reality will come back into focus. It's the reality of the situation you look to change.

That's what I was thinking to do actually. Going on with friendship. And then if she see that I've changed, maybe we'll get back together to live something different from what we lived before. I think I would like anyway to be a friend of her, talking with her about everything, lauthing with her, and showing her that I understand her.

There was many problems in our relationship.
The main one was that we were living in the same place as soon as we met, untill the end of the relation. We were like a settled couple. And as we saw each other all the time, the preciousness of our union disapeard.

It's also a problem of habits, I was the kind of personn who doesn't like having the impression to "work" for nothing. That's how, I prefered working 3/4 of the time of a normal job, taking care of each €uro I spent. This upseted her a lot, even if I wasn't doing like uncle scrooge with her. All the money I spent was for her or our couple, rarely for me during this year.
But I forgot that a girl is looking for someone who looks after her feelings and not after her comfort.

I had also some problems recently with the police, as I was working as a cashier in a huge sportclothes, and sport hardware shop in a mall, and got a nice 24 h stay in a 2*3 meters cell at the police station. The justice decided recently to close the file, for lack of evidence, but during the 2 months period between the day they arrest me and the day the file was classified, I was feeling bad and stressed.
This and and other personnal preocupations have distracted me from looking after her feelings.

Right now she's with another guy. I wanna smash him badly even if don't know him.

Actually she doesn't wan't to see me. She says she prefer wait some weeks before we see each other. And this makes me going mad. How could this be. I guess this is how women works. You can be nothing to them even if they loved you before.

Edit: My behaviour was a main point in the reasons why she broke up.
I wasn't all the time acting like a man, listening and protecting her, but more often like a tennager, who carry the handbag of his girlfriend in the street.

I actually thought a lot about my behaviour. And I wrote down things, bad habits I have to loose, good ones I have to get, in order to not forget the mistakes I've done. I'm afraid of what you're saying "it's much harder to keep those changes".

[j2k4]

Sounds like you've got the right idea.

Sometimes you've just got to detach yourself and reassess, then make amends.

It is also very important, though, to look out for yourself; often others will kick you while you're down, perhaps you've noticed?

I find sometimes (not too often) that people will do this out of sheer ignorance of the straits you find yourself in; much more often, though, it seems they do it because they don't like you, but had problems letting you know.

Never underestimate others' ability to be evil, mean and nasty.

[leonidas]

I went to her house 5 hours ago, and smashed the guy. I don't feel better now, I feel worse. I don't have a good opinion of myself. I'm so sick-affraid that she probably won't talk to me anymore. She's the person I love the most in this world. What an ass-hole I am.

[j2k4]

Just sit tight; stay away for now.

Cooler heads, and all that.

[TheDave]

oh..............

[ruthie]

Just sit tight; stay away for now.

Cooler heads, and all that.

This is excellent advice, L

[manker]

For a thread with a pretty interesting title; in proportion to that, this thread has to be the most boring ever.

[TheDave]

if you stayed awake till the end you'll find out he committed a fairly serious crime. i cant wait til the sequel "whats the stupidest thing you've done for the woman you stalk"

[manker]

if you stayed awake till the end you'll find out he committed a fairly serious crime. i cant wait til the sequel "whats the stupidest thing you've done for the woman you stalk"

To be honest I gave up reading each of the larger posts halfway thro' and skipped to the next. My attention span isnt

[TheDave]

i havent read any, but for some reason "i smashed him" stood out