Divorced Parents

[Alex H]

With so many baby-boomers getting (or already) divorced there are a hell of a lot of people growing up with split families. This is something that a lot of kids have to go through and work out how to have relationships with both their mum and dad. Sometimes one parent is completely out of contact, but what happens if they come back? Or if both parents want to have a relationship with their children, but being divorced, don't like each other?

Mine both said they would always love me no matter what. Only trouble is, I have the curse of loving both of them no matter what, and I know that with all the reaons for the divorce, they hate each other.

I'm 21, and now that I'm an adult, I'm trying to work out all the other things in life as well as this, so if anyone has advise, or stories or anything helpful to say, I'd be interested.

Cheers

[SniperInTheShadows]

I'm not sure if asking other peep's will be as helpful as your hoping Alex, as they can tell you what they did to get through it but in the end it's really something that you need to find a way of getting through, a way that suits you :)

I could offer you my experiences but even after almost 10 year's of my parent's getting divorced i'm still not ok with it and it still affect's my life in various way's :(

The main thing I can really say is that it will be with you your entire life, but try not to let it rule your life and don't think that just because your parent's had prob's that you'll end up with them as you aren't your parent's and thing's will be different for you :)

Another thing that may help make it a little easier is to talk to your parent's, or to your friend's if your close enough to them and ask them if they'd mind you talking to them sometimes if your feeling bad :)

I wish you all the best in dealing with this, and if I do think of anything else that may help you then i'll post again :)

Sniper.

[Alex H]

Cheers, its just nice to know that other people are in the same boat :)

[UKMan]

Cant really add much to Snipers post.

But being a child of divorced parents and looking back in retrospect, just try to understand them and let them sort it out. The important thing for you is to know they still love you and that you show them you are not gonna take sides and that you love them both equally.

Good luck
Peace
UKMan

[ang3968]

I'm not sure what it is you are looking for but here goes...

my parents divorced when I was 9 and hated each other with a passion.... it was extremely hard as a child living with the constant sniping and putting each other down. It wasn't till I was about 18 that I was able to say to them both "Love you both dearly but I am sick of being in the middle of your fights.. if you have nothing nice to say about each other to me then say nothing".... or words to that affect.
I am now 35 and live in another country away from my family, I got married last year and managed to have both parents and their partners not only at my wedding but living in my house together for a week, it had it's moments but all worked out in the end.....

don't let yourself get lost in their divorce, and make sure you let them know that.

[hobbes]

Originally posted by Alex H@24 November 2003 - 03:50
Cheers, its just nice to know that other people are in the same boat  :)
Alex,

Both your parents love you, not even room for debate. The problem is between each other.

I will tell you that despite the fact that men are concerned about "sex" and women "relationships" they are both enamored by the baby.

You have no "curse", just a conflict.

I will be the first to say that women are for "sex for children", but I will collapse when it comes to my own "boy/girl". Every parent loves his child although the overall relathioship may fail.

[SniperInTheShadows]

@ Alex - Yw :) Sometimes it's difficult to believe that other's have been through what your going through, but there alway's is someone who's been through it so you aren't alone.

@ UKMan - Knowing how intelligent and smart you are, from having read alot of your post's, your saying that there's not much you could add to what I said doesn't make me feel as dumb as I usualy do :) Thank's :)

@ ang3968 - Soz to hear that you had it so rough when your's went through it :( It's great though that you found the strength to get through it and to let them know how you felt about their putting you in the middle of it! I don't know if this will mean anything to you given we don't know each other but I have alot of respect for you for taking control of your life so well :)

Sniper.

[ang3968]

Originally posted by SniperInTheShadows@24 November 2003 - 13:03
@ ang3968 - Soz to hear that you had it so rough when your's went through it :( It's great though that you found the strength to get through it and to let them know how you felt about their putting you in the middle of it! I don't know if this will mean anything to you given we don't know each other but I have alot of respect for you for taking control of your life so well :)

Sniper.
thank you... it does mean something :)

[Alex H]

it does. Thanks to all who have posted

[Seychella]

Hi Alex... it's tough isn't it? My parents divorced when I was fifteen, and I didn't realise til years later how much effect it had on me. But it's just one of life's little curve balls that get thrown your way and you will deal with it. My parents have now been divorced for more than 20 years... they only ever see each other at family 'occasions' and they get along pretty well then... but have virtually no other contact with each other.

I have a 25 year old daughter and I was divorced when she was 6. She loves us both desperately as well.... she lived with me until she was 12 and then she went to live with her Dad. It was all very difficult and heartbreaking but we've all come thru it. We all care about each other very much .... and in ways we still feel like a family. A lot of this will depend on your parents.... if they can not be bitter it will be much easier all round.

My ex and I have had our bitter times ..... when she went to live with him mostly... but basically we have stayed friends and if one has a major problem in their life somehow they always seem to call the other. I hope this happens for your parents ... it's not going to be easy .... but nothing is. I hope this helps a little? :)

[sparsely]

I'm sure my clone has something to say about this...but I haven't seen him around today.
I wonder where the hell he is?!
...probably posing as a police officer and issuing citations for "Untimely Public Flatulence", or makin up more "Me & Ryan Phillipe" lies for his blog. :rolleyes:

[Alex H]

Originally posted by Seychella@24 November 2003 - 06:54

My ex and I have had our bitter times ..... when she went to live with him mostly... but basically we have stayed friends and if one has a major problem in their life somehow they always seem to call the other. I hope this happens for your parents ... it's not going to be easy .... but nothing is. I hope this helps a little? :)
Well, Mum hates dad with a passion and dad has some psycological problems, so I don't see mum being that happy if I tell her I want to take up the job offer dad's given me. Basically I get to run my dad's company while he signs a few bits of paper and plays golf. I've don't that type of job before and the business has HEAPS of potential, so I know I can make a lot of money out of it. I've never had much money before and it would be nice to be able to do some of the things I want to. I want to put some aside for my sister too, cause she had to go though all the same stuff (well I don't know - hard stuff anyway) and I want to look after her.

But yeah, it does help. :)

[Honey]

Thanks Alex and everyone for your posts... :)

Im not the child of a divorced couple, but im a divorced mother with children and its been an eyeopener reading how divorce has/does affect you.

My divorce has been extremely acrimonious and its hurt no end seeing the effect it has upon my kids. It also hurts though when kids, take sides! I was the one who ended my marriage, not for another person, but because my welfare and that of my kids was in jeopardy. Since that day my ex has set out to cause as much heartache for me as he could.

Ive never spoken badly of him to my kids, I dont believe that's my role as their mum, in fact i openly encourage contact between the kids and their dad. At the end of the day all i can do is to keep letting my kids know that i didnt divorce them!

My advice for what its worth... your parents love you, avoid discussions with them about each other. Just remember that you kids will never know what really happened between your parents no matter how much you think so. There's three sides to every divorce..... Mum's, Dad's and the Truth...

Let your parents know that you love them too... (parents need a little reassurance as well....)

Good luck to you all... i really do hope that you are all able to somehow come to terms with it. :)

[cowswithguns]

I, like Ozbabe, didn't have divorced parents but I am now divorced myself. I am one of the lucky ones who is still on very good terms with my ex and this, I feel, has had a tremendous bearing on how my children felt about our break up.

We have always tried let the kids know that, no matter what had happened, they were still loved by both of us. They live with me but have unlimited access to their Dad and this has also helped.

It has had it's moments but overall we have made the best we could from a bad situation.

I realise that this is not always the case when parents divorce but the most important thing is to realise is that no matter what the circumstance, both parents still love you. :)

[Billy_Dean]

I wish my parents had divorced when I was young, but they stayed together "for the sake of the kids". This meant we suffered for it. As a teenager I begged my mother to divorce him, he made her life misereable. He only stopped bullying me when I stabbed him in the arm when I was 17, as he tried to slap me across the face for refusing his "order" to make him a cup of tea.

I've since been married and divorced three times. To have stayed together would have been doing my kids no favours. My youngest two, 17 & 15, have shared parents since they were 3 & 1. We lived near each other and shared them. Our kids got off the school bus where and when they wanted. They have no problems, and a great sense of freedom.

Just remember the old saying; Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

There has been a lot of good advice in this thread, I hope it helps you.


:)