purina diet... lmao

I have 2 large dogs, and was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart
and was in line to checkout. The woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

Duh? (is she kidding???) On impulse, I told her no I didn't have any
dogs, I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably
shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time. But I'd
lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story,
particularly a tall guy who was standing behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me? I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street
licking my ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy standing behind her was going to need help as he
staggered to the door laughing.

Life is short. Break the rules