My Dog Named Sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call
mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the
City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a
license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But
she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You
don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He
replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get
married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding.
He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has
played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He
said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us
in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.
The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was
barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we
checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my
wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a
place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at
night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the
dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I
told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should
have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have
Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the
dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me
after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop
came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the
morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles
with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for
my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the
trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it
has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the
doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's
best friend so go get yourself a dog."
