My Mother the Teacher
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION:
You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."
My Mother taught me more LOGIC:
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident"
My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen THEN?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times--Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until we get home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about SEX:
"How do you think you got here?"
My Mother taught me about GENETICS:
"You're just like your father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
And my all time favorite...
My Mother taught me about JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids ...and I hope they turn out just like you!"
