JP's Harshity - all an interweb act, isn't it.

I was in bed, reading. The lad wouldn't sleep and was creating merry hell around me but he seemed happy enough so I left him to it.

The phone rang - now normally I don't answer it to numbers I don't know but I did and was greeted by a someone 'looking for manker' who initially sounded Pakistani but then I later realised it was Scotch.

I thought it must be Spider_dude because he is the only Scot who rings me so conducted the conversation as if it was him. After much confusion and me telling 'Liam' to stfu and this 'Jim' telling me that his name wasn't 'Ian', I realised it was JP. I'd never spoken to him before, so it was quite a novelty.

I don't have total recall of the conversation but I do remember JP telling me that my plan to phone at 9:30 the next morning to say whether I needed an extra ticket to Keano's testimonial (the reason for the phonecall) was an "Ideal idea" - which I thought highly amusing in an 'at not with' kinda way.

Anyhow. By now the boy was playing up a bit and obviously wanted me to stop talking on the phone - so I said this to JP:

Me: Sorry, I need to see to my Son. Sorry I can't stop on and chat.
JP: What?
Me: Sorry I can't stay and chat but the lad ... .
JP <interrupting>: I heard what you said; the chances of me actually phoning up someone from the interweb is nigh on fucking zero so if you think for a second that I'm wanting to stay and chat then you're mistaken.

<slight pause>

JP: In fact, after this conversation, I hope I never have to speak to you ever again. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Me <laughing>: Well, okay that's fair enough, I'll have to phone tomorrow tho'.
JP: Sure. Bye now.

Click.

I'm paraphrasing, obviously, and maybe it wasn't as harsh as all that - more jovial - but I was like :o

he didn't even pretend to be phoning with your aids test results like i said he should?:shocked:

He might have - I was rly confused at the start of the conversation and wasn't yet tuned into foreign-speak.

note: you should point out that "the lad" is your bairn, not a pet name for your boyfriend. just for people who don't know, like.

edit: just noticed you mentioned "son" a few times:pinch:

Other than me saying "Sorry if that sounds overly harsh" that's pretty much it.

Had it just been harsh I would have felt no need to make mention of it. That seems fair enough.

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Originally Posted by manker

He might have - I was rly confused at the start of the conversation and wasn't yet tuned into foreign-speak.

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did he larf at your silly accent?:smilie4:

infact, it'd have been a "who sounds daftest"-athon:P

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Originally Posted by Proper Bo

he didn't even pretend to be phoning with your aids test results like i said he should?:shocked:

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I tried to, but soon realized I was dealing with a befuddled dolt and decided to "dumb it down".

Imagine my horror when he apologized for not being in a position to carry on, with an extended conversation. I'm a guy for fuck sake, get the business sorted and hang the fuck up. Burds and emos "chat".

How it should have gone.

Me - Is that manker

manker - Indeed.

Me - Do you have a mate who wants a free ticket for the game, manutd end.

manker - Not sure. I'll ask about.

Me - OK, phone me in the morning.

click.

you=more manly than manker.

fact.

(he's phoned me just for a chat before:no:)

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Originally Posted by Proper Bo

you=more manly than manker.

fact.

(he's phoned me just for a chat before:no:)

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Beore what.:sick:

There was me feeling pretty chuffed that you phoned :emo:




Btw, that aids test result thing wouldn't really have worked with JP only knowing my screen name.

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Originally Posted by manker

Btw, that aids test result thing wouldn't really have worked with JP only knowing my screen name.

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you know, he never even asked for your real name:lol:

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Originally Posted by Mr JP Fugley

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Proper Bo

you=more manly than manker.

fact.

(he's phoned me just for a chat before:no:)

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Beore what.:sick:

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beore I called him a gay and laughed at his silly accent:schnauz:

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Originally Posted by Proper Bo

you=more manly than manker.

fact.

(he's phoned me just for a chat before:no:)

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You talked more than me during that phonecall :snooty:

Also, you asked me to phone you when we were on MSN one night because you were fed up of typing.


I declined :smilie4:

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Originally Posted by manker

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Proper Bo

you=more manly than manker.

fact.

(he's phoned me just for a chat before:no:)

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You talked more than me during that phonecall :snooty:

Also, you asked me to phone you when we were on MSN one night because you were fed up of typing.


I declined :smilie4:

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rodoff, ghey

Seriously you're the most chatty bloke I know.

Dave will back me up (oo-er).

all ghey propaganda:no:

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Originally Posted by Proper Bo

Quote:

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Originally Posted by manker

Btw, that aids test result thing wouldn't really have worked with JP only knowing my screen name.

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you know, he never even asked for your real name:lol:

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Why in the name of Lionel Blair would I want to know his real name. Yeah right.

"Hello, Brian, my name's Jim, you know me as JP on the internet, I believe you go by the name manker" Who are you people.

I remember, when he actually told me it, thinking. "Why the fuck are you telling me this. It is if no conceivable interest to me. It certainly won't make us "closer"".

I'd just feel like a tit phoning and asking for "manker"

hypothetically, if you phoned robert00000000, would you actually say all those zeros?:blink:

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Originally Posted by Mr JP Fugley

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Proper Bo

you know, he never even asked for your real name:lol:

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Why in the name of Lionel Blar would I want to know his real name. Yeah right.

"Hello, Brian, my name's Jim, you know me as JP on the internet, I believe you go by the name manker" Who are you people.

I remember, when he actually told me it, thinking. "Why the fuck are you telling me this. It is if no conceivable interest to me. It certainly won't make us "closer"".

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Scotch people sound like an Pakistani who has learned English from an American when they say 'manker'. Fact.

I wanted the horror to stop.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by manker

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mr JP Fugley

Why in the name of Lionel Blar would I want to know his real name. Yeah right.

"Hello, Brian, my name's Jim, you know me as JP on the internet, I believe you go by the name manker" Who are you people.

I remember, when he actually told me it, thinking. "Why the fuck are you telling me this. It is if no conceivable interest to me. It certainly won't make us "closer"".

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Scotch people sound like an Pakistani who has learned English from an American when they say 'manker'. Fact.

I wanted the horror to stop.

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:no:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Proper Bo

hypothetically, if you phoned robert00000000, would you actually say all those zeros?:blink:

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Well, no but I call you 'Bo' even though I know your real name.

A girl's name seems more appropriate.

manker is the chattiest gay evar

manker is the chattiest gay evar

So are you lot past the "I'm on the phone with someone from the interweb and I don't have the faintest clue what to say" phase yet? I remember speaking to Sonja for the first time on the phone and the two of us just giggling for about five minutes before giving up and saying goodbye. Or is that just a girl thing.

To answer your question though, yes, JP's harshity is just an act. He's really a lovely person.

only two internet people have ever phoned me. whenever it's spider_dude, we get confused by eachothers accent then hang up. when manker phones he always tries to kick off a conversation about what i'm wearing :dabs:

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Originally Posted by NikkiD

So are you lot past the "I'm on the phone with someone from the interweb and I don't have the faintest clue what to say" phase yet? I remember speaking to Sonja for the first time on the phone and the two of us just giggling for about five minutes before giving up and saying goodbye. Or is that just a girl thing.

To answer your question though, yes, JP's harshity is just an act. He's really a lovely person.

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I usually always phone interweb people only when drunk, so the giggling may just be a girl thing.

As is the thinking JP is a lovely person - he's putting it on so you'll send pics of your tits :smilie4:

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Originally Posted by NikkiD

the two of us just giggling for about five minutes before giving up and saying goodbye. Or is that just a girl thing.

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Yes.
We guys guffaw.

edit: fecking board is acting up again.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GepperRankins

only two internet people have ever phoned me. whenever it's spider_dude, we get confused by eachothers accent then hang up. when manker phones he always tries to kick off a conversation about what i'm wearing :dabs:

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You never wear clothes when at your computer - and you're always at your computer so for me to ask what you're wearing would be kinda stupid.

Here's the truth NikkiD.

I thought Bo had ripped the pish out of me and that I had fallen for it.

When the phone was answered here's 3 things it DIDN'T sound.

1. Welsh

2. Male

3. Twenties.

In short (and sorry if this is overly harsh). I thought Bo had given me the number of a teenage English lass he knew and perhaps hadn't let her in on the joke. Imagine how that would have looked for a middle aged married man with hundreds of weans. Small wonder I proclaimed that we would never speak again and hung up the phone, pronto style.

/blocked

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Originally Posted by manker

As is the thinking JP is a lovely person - he's putting it on so you'll send pics of your tit :smilie4:

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Haven't you all seen enough pics of Jonno?

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Originally Posted by NikkiD

Quote:

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Originally Posted by manker

As is the thinking JP is a lovely person - he's putting it on so you'll send pics of your tit :smilie4:

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Haven't you all seen enough pics of Jonno?

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:lol: :D

I don't think the interweb can hold anymore.

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Originally Posted by manker

/blocked

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Feck, that's something The would do.

Now I know how he feels when I pwn him with harshity.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mr JP Fugley

Here's the truth NikkiD.

I thought Bo had ripped the pish out of me and that I had fallen for it.

When the phone was answered here's 3 things it DIDN'T sound.

1. Welsh

2. Male

3. Twenties.

In short (and sorry if this is overly harsh). I thought Bo had given me the number of a teenage English lass he knew and perhaps hadn't let her in on the joke. Imagine how that would have looked for a middle aged married man with hundreds of weans. Small wonder I proclaimed that we would never speak again and hung up the phone, pronto style.

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:glag:

Seriously.

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Originally Posted by manker

/blocked

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Feck, that's something The would do.

Now I know how he feels when I pwn him with harshity.[/QUOTE]
Pull a yogi then. I'm sure your cyber-manlove buddy at that english comedy tracker will welcome you with open arms.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by manker

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NikkiD

Haven't you all seen enough pics of Jonno?

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:lol: :D

I don't think the interweb can hold anymore.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by manker

/blocked

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Feck, that's something The would do.

Now I know how he feels when I pwn him with harshity.

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Hah, the cawks in the other sheath now, Mr lah de da Brian.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NikkiD

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mr JP Fugley

Here's the truth NikkiD.

I thought Bo had ripped the pish out of me and that I had fallen for it.

When the phone was answered here's 3 things it DIDN'T sound.

1. Welsh

2. Male

3. Twenties.

In short (and sorry if this is overly harsh). I thought Bo had given me the number of a teenage English lass he knew and perhaps hadn't let her in on the joke. Imagine how that would have looked for a middle aged married man with hundreds of weans. Small wonder I proclaimed that we would never speak again and hung up the phone, pronto style.

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:glag:

Seriously.

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Ask someone who has spoken to him.

They have identified themselves here (plus cheese).

In fact cheese has spoken in person, he can confirm if that is more or less like a pubescent English lass.

Silly buggers :no:

I am considered as quite the alpha male in these parts - and that's nowt to do with lack of competition.

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Originally Posted by manker

Silly buggers :no:

I am considered as quite the alpha male in these parts - and that's nowt to do with lack of competition.

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these parts = your office.

You are Alpha male, over 4 hawt blonde burds, with big bewbs, who you pay.

I vote this one of the best threads I've read for ages :glag: