i dont get itQuote:
Originally posted by cpt_azad@17 May 2004 - 08:38
why is the blonde girl's bellybutton sore?
because her boyfriend is also a blonde :lol: :ph34r:
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i dont get itQuote:
Originally posted by cpt_azad@17 May 2004 - 08:38
why is the blonde girl's bellybutton sore?
because her boyfriend is also a blonde :lol: :ph34r:
:lol:Quote:
Originally posted by cpt_azad@17 May 2004 - 03:38
why is the blonde girl's bellybutton sore?
because her boyfriend is also a blonde :lol: :ph34r:
One day this guy comes to work at a dildo shop. His boss leaves for the day and puts him in charge of the shop.
About an hour later a black haired lady comes in and asks "How much for your black dildos?"
The guy says "30 bucks"
"And how much for your white dildos?" asks the lady.
Again the man says "30 bucks for the black and 30 bucks for the white"
So she takes the black one and leaves.
A while later a brunette comes in to the store and asks "How much for your white dildos?"
The man responds "30 bucks"
She asks "And how much for your black dildos?"
"30 bucks for the white and 30 bucks for the black" replies the man.
So she takes the white one leaves.
About an hour later a blonde walks through the door and asks "How much are your dildos?"
The guys says "All our dildos are 30 bucks"
Then she looks up behind the man on a shelf and ask "How much for that plaid one?"
The man responds "Oh, that one is special. That will cost you $250"
The blonde agrees and takes it.
Later that day the boss come back and asks "So what did you sell today?"
The man says "I sold a black dildo, a white dildo , and your thermous flask for $250!"
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"
This blonde called 911, screaming "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".
The dispatch said "Mam, please calm down. I need to get some information from you".
Again the blonde yelled "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".
The dispatch said "Mam calm down, How do we get to your house?".
The blonde replied "Duh... In the big red truck".
There was a Blonde and her husband.
One morning the husband leaves for work and the blonde gets up. She's determined to prove to her husband that blondes arn't dumb, by painting the kitchen.
When her husband gets home he says to his wife "Honey why do you have 3 coats on?"
The blonde says, "Well the directions on the paint said to use three coats for best results."
lol that's funny :lol:Quote:
Originally posted by ROSSCO_2004@17 May 2004 - 18:39
There was a Blonde and her husband.
One morning the husband leaves for work and the blonde gets up. She's determined to prove to her husband that blondes arn't dumb, by painting the kitchen.
When her husband gets home he says to his wife "Honey why do you have 3 coats on?"
The blonde says, "Well the directions on the paint said to use three coats for best results."
Why are there no ice cubes in a blonde's fridge?
:lol: keep scrolling
she forgot the recipe :lol:
Q: how does a blond like her eggs in the morning?
A: fertilized :lol: :01:
Q: did you hear about the blonde man that locked his keys in his car?
A: took him an hour to get his family out w/ a coat hanger.
Q: what's the good thing about being married to a blonde?
A: you can park in handicap spaces
Q: why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory?
A: she kept throwing away all the "w's"
:lol: :blink: k, those weren't the greatest jokes but i'm trying here, enough wit blonde jokes, someone post some good stuff, i'm gonna go on a hunt now for some good jokes B)
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor.
"One thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "he knows when to stop."
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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was: "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
____________________________________________________________________
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to a place the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment as he and his father stood looking at the seagull. Finally the son said, "Why did God throw him back down?"
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A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk.
A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"
The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied.
"So what happened then?" the man asked.
The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
The man laughed and said, "Again?"
The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head.
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said.
"So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in ... Some things you just can't explain."
A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."
The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"
The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A farmer and his son were working hard on his barn when a city boy stopped to ask for directions. After helping the lost driver, the farmer went back to jacking up the small barn while putting blocks of wood under each corner.
The city boy just had to ask, "What are you doing?"
"Well," said the farmer, "My prize mule keeps scraping his ears on the barn each time he goes through the door and I just can't have that."
"Why don't you just dig a little ditch that goes under the doorway?"
The farmer said, "Thanks, I'll think about it" and the driver pulled away. As the car heads down the road, the farmer turned to his son, "Dumb city slicker. The mule keeps scraping his ears, not his feet!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A clergyman, walking down a country road, sees a young farmer struggling to right a wagon that was tipped upside down.
"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."
"No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't like it."
"Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."
Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"
"Well," replied the young farmer, "He's under the wagon."
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico....But as we know....the great ship did not make it to New York.... The ship hit an iceberg and sank....and the cargo was forever lost....The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery were disconsolate at the loss.
Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th....and is known....of course....as Sinko de Mayo....
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A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde in a convertible sports car for speeding. She walks over to the car and asks the blonde driver for some I.D. The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse in vain. Finally she asks, "What does it look like?"
The blonde police officer tells her, "it's that thing with your picture on it."
The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it, and sure enough sees her picture. She hands the compact to the blonde cop.
The blonde cop looks at the compact for a few seconds, then rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver, and says, "If you had told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over, we could have avoided this whole thing."
An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Julius and Irving, two very religious Jewish men, visited Marcus Pinkus the tailor to have new black suits made. When they went to pick up the suits, Julius looked at his suit very carefully; held it up to the light, walked over to the window, examined it more carefully and then proclaimed, "Marcus, this suit is navy blue. It's not black!"
"Trust me," said Marcus, "its black!"
"Irving, what do you think? Blue, or black?" asked Julius.
"To tell you the truth," said Irving, "I can’t really tell from this light if it's blue or black."
They left wearing their new suits and while walking down the street kept examining each other's suit to see if they were blue or black. Then they spotted two nuns standing on the corner and decided to go stand next to them. They knew their habits would be black and this way they could be sure.
Well, later that afternoon, the two nuns returned to the convent and visited with the mother superior to discuss their day in the city.
"A very strange thing occurred." reported one of the nuns. "Two Jewish men approached us on the street and they were speaking Latin!"
"Latin?" exclaimed mother superior. "Jewish men don't speak Latin; they speak Hebrew!"
"No." said the other nun. "It was definitely Latin!"
"Well, what did they say exactly?" asked the mother superior.
"I'm not really sure," said one of the nuns. "They just kept repeating the same Latin phrase: "Marcus Pinkus Fuctus!"
:huh: :blink: :lol:Quote:
Originally posted by baccy_man@12 June 2004 - 20:03
(...)
"I'm not really sure," said one of the nuns. "They just kept repeating the same Latin phrase: "Marcus Pinkus Fuctus!"
we lost a lot of very valuable jokes :( i haven't looked here in a while, so i didn't get to see them :(
:( i know, that sucks :angry: :(Quote:
Originally posted by ROSSCO_2004@12 June 2004 - 18:47
we lost a lot of very valuable jokes :( i haven't looked here in a while, so i didn't get to see them :(
i can post some of them agian if you would like there is about a month's worth of jokes that are missing.
Joke are funny ha ha ha ha
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said Implants?"
She hit me.
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Grampa and Grandma were sitting a the table. Grandma gets up suddenly, rolls up her newspaper and proceeds to slap Grandpa upside the head.
He says, "What was that for?"
Grandma says, "That's for 50 years of bad sex."
Grandpa sits there muttering, rolls up his newspaper, and goes over and slaps Grandma upside the head.
She says, "Now what's that for?"
He says, "That's for knowing the difference!"
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An armless man walked into a bar which was empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms.
The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.
The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is the restroom?"
The bartender quickly replied, "The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."
:lol: :lol: :lol:
good ones
:)
lmao :lol: keep em coming :)Quote:
The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street
Now that food has replaced sex in my life,
I can't even get into my own pants.
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I got a sweater for Christmas.
I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
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A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...
but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"-
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Everybody knows that no matter how much you're in love when you get married, at one point or another the honeymoon is over. That's when the excuses start. I've used them, you've used them and believe it or not, my wife has used them. Following is a top ten list of some of the best excuses to get out of having sex with your significant other.
10. I'd love to honey, but I just banged your sister.
9. We're out of paper bags for your head again.
8. You haven't shaved in so long I'm afraid I'd feel I was making love to Big Foot.
7. You're 20 bucks short.
6. We're out of gin again.
5. I used my last sponge for the dishes.
4. Sorry, this isn't a conjugal visit.
3. I can't tonight, honey, I spent myself earlier today watching all those pornos.
2. Only if you put on this wig and talk like a Chinese hooker.
And the number 1 excuse to not have sex with your wife:
1. Your gynecologist just called - you still have crabs and you know how I don't like seafood.
A young man was in the backyard fooling around with his new girlfriend on a very dark night.
After a short time, he offered to go down on her.... and she gladly dropped her knickers.
About 20 minutes later, he looked up at her with his glazed face and said, "I really like you a lot, but you have the hairiest crotch I've ever eaten!"
"I'm not surprised that you feel that way," she said. "You've been eating the lawn for the last five minutes!"
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A firefighter is working outside the station when he notices a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders on the sides, a garden hose coiled in the middle, and wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter takes a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire-truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl says.
The firefighter notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little Partner," the firefighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but... then I wouldn't have a siren.
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 98 mph. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel "Any cops following us?" The blonde turned around and had a long look at the road behind them. "Yeah, looks like it" "Are his flashers on?" The blonde turned around again......
Lemme see.... "Yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....nope....yup..."
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Jenny's husband, Charley, was a male chauvinist. Even though they both worked full-time, he never helped around the house. Housework was woman's work!
But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed one load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished--something's up.
It turns out that Charley had read an article that said wives who worked full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to be romantic. The night went well and the next day she told her office friends all about it.
"We had a great dinner. Charley even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed the evening."
"But what about afterward?" asked her friends. "Oh, that was perfect too. Charley was too tired!"
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A man walks into the dentist's office and after the examination the dentist says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."
The man grabs the doc's arm, "No way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"
So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."
The man replies, "Absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."
So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill."
The man asks "What is it?"
The doc replies, "Viagra."
The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.
"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"
Who posted in: A Bit Of A Laugh
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baccy_man 441
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ROSSCO_2004 12
cpt_azad 10
scribblec 4
ashutosh_cool16 4
zinc1 3
Bowen747x 3
bujub22 3
barbarossa 2
Mat_At_Home 2
Rip The Jacker 2
j4y3m 2
vivitron 15 2
Aurora 1
Prince of Darkness 1
Wolfmight 1
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PauDoce 1
Infested Cats 1
sir waffle 1
teju2k 1
Rotten_Apple 1
ziggyjuarez 1
Mr. Elmo 1
Homme 1
jetje 1
twister203 1
test2speed 1
RGX 1
free2bp2p 1
danyj 1
h121589 1
destroyerofevil 1
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Neo 721 1
spazola 1
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:huh:Quote:
Originally posted by Zedaxax@17 June 2004 - 13:59
[b] Who posted in: A Bit Of A Laugh
Poster Posts
baccy_man 441
Autumn Fox 24
ROSSCO_2004 12
cpt_azad 10
scribblec 4
ashutosh_cool16 4
zinc1 3
Bowen747x 3
bujub22 3
barbarossa 2
Mat_At_Home 2
Rip The Jacker 2
j4y3m 2
vivitron 15 2
Aurora 1
Prince of Darkness 1
Wolfmight 1
Voetsek 1
PauDoce 1
Infested Cats 1
sir waffle 1
teju2k 1
Rotten_Apple 1
ziggyjuarez 1
Mr. Elmo 1
Homme 1
jetje 1
twister203 1
test2speed 1
RGX 1
free2bp2p 1
danyj 1
h121589 1
destroyerofevil 1
FuNkY CaPrIcOrN 1
Neo 721 1
spazola 1
Fruden 1
dark_shadow_133 1
[O][T] 1
Dray_04 1
virusgenerator 1
solarmax 1
Radical0822 1
you forgot yourself :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally posted by Zedaxax@17 June 2004 - 14:59
[b] Who posted in: A Bit Of A Laugh
Poster Posts
baccy_man 441
Autumn Fox 24
ROSSCO_2004 12
cpt_azad 10
scribblec 4
ashutosh_cool16 4
zinc1 3
Bowen747x 3
bujub22 3
barbarossa 2
Mat_At_Home 2
Rip The Jacker 2
j4y3m 2
vivitron 15 2
Aurora 1
Prince of Darkness 1
Wolfmight 1
Voetsek 1
PauDoce 1
Infested Cats 1
sir waffle 1
teju2k 1
Rotten_Apple 1
ziggyjuarez 1
Mr. Elmo 1
Homme 1
jetje 1
twister203 1
test2speed 1
RGX 1
free2bp2p 1
danyj 1
h121589 1
destroyerofevil 1
FuNkY CaPrIcOrN 1
Neo 721 1
spazola 1
Fruden 1
dark_shadow_133 1
[O][T] 1
Dray_04 1
virusgenerator 1
solarmax 1
Radical0822 1
Did you actually go through the list and count how many times each person posted? or is their something u click to sort them or something lol.?Quote:
Originally posted by Zedaxax@17 June 2004 - 08:59
[b] Who posted in: A Bit Of A Laugh
Poster Posts
baccy_man 441
Autumn Fox 24
ROSSCO_2004 12
cpt_azad 10
scribblec 4
ashutosh_cool16 4
zinc1 3
Bowen747x 3
bujub22 3
barbarossa 2
Mat_At_Home 2
Rip The Jacker 2
j4y3m 2
vivitron 15 2
Aurora 1
Prince of Darkness 1
Wolfmight 1
Voetsek 1
PauDoce 1
Infested Cats 1
sir waffle 1
teju2k 1
Rotten_Apple 1
ziggyjuarez 1
Mr. Elmo 1
Homme 1
jetje 1
twister203 1
test2speed 1
RGX 1
free2bp2p 1
danyj 1
h121589 1
destroyerofevil 1
FuNkY CaPrIcOrN 1
Neo 721 1
spazola 1
Fruden 1
dark_shadow_133 1
[O][T] 1
Dray_04 1
virusgenerator 1
solarmax 1
Radical0822 1
Click on the XXXnumber of Replies on the front page to the right of the topic
in this case 537 or something
baccy_man 442
Autumn Fox 25
ROSSCO_2004 13
cpt_azad 10
scribblec 4
ashutosh_cool16 4
zinc1 3
Bowen747x 3
bujub22 3
barbarossa 2
Rip The Jacker 2
Mat_At_Home 2
vivitron 15 2
j4y3m 2
Zedaxax 2
Fruden 1
dark_shadow_133 1
[B][O][T] 1
Dray_04 1
virusgenerator 1
solarmax 1
Radical0822 1
Infested Cats 1
Aurora 1
Prince of Darkness 1
Wolfmight 1
Voetsek 1
PauDoce 1
sir waffle 1
teju2k 1
Rotten_Apple 1
ziggyjuarez 1
jetje 1
Mr. Elmo 1
Homme 1
FuNkY CaPrIcOrN 1
twister203 1
test2speed 1
RGX 1
free2bp2p 1
danyj 1
h121589 1
destroyerofevil 1
Neo 721 1
spazola 1
:D Thanks.
Jack and Jessica met on the beach, fell in love with each other at first glance, and after three days, were married. The wedding night was just as successful as it could be, but when Jessica awoke the following morning, she found her husband dressing.
She said, "Honey, where are you going?"
Jack said, "Darling, we married so rapidly, I had no chance to tell you that I'm a golf fiend. I play golf every day, I enter every tournament. I am afraid that you will rarely see me."
Jessica nodded and said, "Well, that's all right. After all, we married so rapidly, I had no chance to tell you, either, that I'm a hooker."
Jack said, "Oh sweetheart that's nothing - don't worry about that for a minute! It's easily corrected by holding the golf club like this..."
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In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light.
And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.
And the Devil said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth."
And so God created Man in his own image; male and female created he them.
And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.
And the Devil said, "I know how I can get back in this game."
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger.
And the Devil said to Man: "You want fries with that?"
And Man said: "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.
And the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And the Devil saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance.
Then God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice.
And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body with alcohol while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz.
And Man gained another ten pounds.
And God created the life-giving tofu. And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked Man: "Do I look fat?"
And the Devil said, "Always tell the truth." And Man did.
And Woman went out from the presence of man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor. And Woman put aside the seeds of the earth and took unto herself comfort food.
And God brought forth Weight-watchers. It didn't help.
And God created exercise machines with easy payments.
And man brought forth his Visa at 21 percent. And the exercise machine went to dwell in the closet of Nod, east of the polyester leisure suit.
And in the fullness of time, Woman received the exercise machine from Man in the property settlement. It didn't help her, either.
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!"
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An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.
For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"Yes, I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she
know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around
Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him
every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave. .
I can't believe this post is still alive.
why notQuote:
Originally posted by 99shassan@19 June 2004 - 19:25
I can't believe this post is still alive.
why are u surprised?Quote:
Originally posted by 99shassan@19 June 2004 - 18:25
I can't believe this post is still alive.
this is the best post on this board .... better then your usual rubbish
News from the world - on SEX LIFE
Sex Life
Check out the earlier stories too!
I was laughing for 2 hours continously!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
why are u surprised?Quote:
Originally posted by scribblec+19 June 2004 - 22:03--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (scribblec @ 19 June 2004 - 22:03)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-99shassan@19 June 2004 - 18:25
I can't believe this post is still alive.
this is the best post on this board .... better then your usual rubbish [/b][/quote]
thanks for your support
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
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What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is 24 hours a day/seven days a week?
A: A widow.
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Jim has three girlfriends, but he doesn't know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5,000.00 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells Jim, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because, Jim, I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5,000.00 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5,000.00 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "Jim, I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
So Jim thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.
Quote:
Originally posted by baccy_man+20 June 2004 - 11:48--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (baccy_man @ 20 June 2004 - 11:48)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>Quote:
Originally posted by scribblec@19 June 2004 - 22:03
<!--QuoteBegin-99shassan
Quote:
@19 June 2004 - 18:25
I can't believe this post is still alive.
why are u surprised?
this is the best post on this board .... better then your usual rubbish
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jim has three girlfriends, but he doesn't know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5,000.00 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells Jim, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because, Jim, I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5,000.00 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5,000.00 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "Jim, I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
So Jim thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits. [/b][/quote]
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
stfu man. I ain't complaining, I am just saying that because I remember this thread starting ages ago. No need to fucking chat to me like that