Ummm, dunno what though. :dabs:
Anyone got any ideas?
I'm about to become a father, probably in the next 10 days or so. Any tips? :huh:
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Ummm, dunno what though. :dabs:
Anyone got any ideas?
I'm about to become a father, probably in the next 10 days or so. Any tips? :huh:
Ask 15%
We can talk about homos?
What would you do if your child came home one day sporting an even steven with a temp taper hairdo? Would you still love your gay child?
Nahh, he seems drunk all the time these days... :dabs:Quote:
Originally Posted by ziggyjuarez
If you smoke get plenty in,make sure you get plenty of change for the coffee/coke machine,find a good book to take with you,if its the first can take a while.Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbarossa
Top up your mobile but remember you can't use it inside,fresh and spare batteries for the camera,make sure to clear the card.
Good luck:01:
I think so... unless he talked complete and utter shite all the time, then I'd have to shave his head, kick his arse and send him to boot camp. :nono:Quote:
Originally Posted by HeavyMetalParkingLot
:unsure:Quote:
Originally Posted by gripper103.2
I think that was in the olden days. Last year I was in the delivery room, chatting to teh missus while either holding her hand or sitting on this cool birthing ball all the while telling the midwives exactly what they should be doing.
Actually, I was shitting myself and pretty quiet the whole time, not to mention almost passing out when I saw the afterbirth. The point I'm making is that they did their best to make sure I felt involved and kept me constantly updated - rather than ushering me out into the corridor to do some reading of novels. The time seemed to fly by, despite me getting no sleep for 36 hours or whatever.
If it is baby #1 then the best advice I can give is to take plenty of tissues :cry: :cry: :D
When me missus passed out from exhustion and drugs the book came in handy,tissues are a good idea!!!
what else?
I hate dentists
I can just see myself there saying "Hurry up babe, I'm on the last chapter!" :lol: :DQuote:
Originally Posted by manker
I don't think I'll be allowed to read a book. :huh: As manker says, they seem to want to get the fathers really involved these days. Personally, I'd be happy waiting outside in the corridor, or even in the pub.. :schnauz:
I'd prefer they got it all cleaned up tidy before they presented it to me... :dabs:
Everyone says that I'm gonna cry my eyes out when it's all over. I'm not convinced... :mellow:
Just you wait till she grabs ya nuts instead of your hand,that'll do it :)
That's when they give you the bill. :cry:Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbarossa
:lol: I'll be keeping my distance ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by gripper103.2
NHS freebie!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Guillaume
NHS FTW :01:
However, I know I will be paying all the bills for the next 18 years... :mellow:
I watched all three of my children being born. I wish my wife would of left me out of the delivery room. Don't underestimate the yuck factor. It's fecking surreal.
I don't recommend cutting the umbilical cord yourself. I tried shirking the duty myself. (it seems to be a custom here.) My wife insisted.
Ughhhh! It felt like an alien penis and it was as tough as leather.
Congrats, Barbie. I think you'll do alright as a papa. :)
Peace bd
Yeah, I'm going to get offered the cord to cut, :blink: but I draw the line at eating the placenta... :sick:
I was never offered! :snooty:Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbarossa
Peace bd
:sick: and double- :sick: :sick:Quote:
There are several sumptuous recipes around so that you can enjoy cooking and eating your placenta;
this one is for roasting it:-
Work on the basis that each placenta weighs approximately 1/6 of the baby's weight. To prepare a placenta, cut the meat away from the membranes with a sharp knife. Discard the membranes.
Roast Placenta
1-3lb fresh placenta (must be no more than 3 days old)
1 onion
1 green or red pepper (green will add colour)
1 cup tomato sauce
1 sleeve saltine crackers
1 tspn bay leaves
1 tspn black pepper
1 tspn white pepper
1 clove garlic (roasted and minced)
Method
(Preheat oven to 350 degrees)
1. Chop the onion and the pepper & crush the saltines into crumbs.
2. Combine the placenta, onion, pepper, saltines, bay leaves, white and black pepper, garlic and tomato sauce.
3. Place in a loaf pan, cover then bake for one and a half hours, occasionally pouring off excess liquid.
Serve and enjoy!
No red wine... amateurs. :snooty:Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbarossa
Peace bd
T'is nice lightly fried with onions?Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbarossa
Acceptable cannabilism???
Add in some fava beans and a nice chianti... :pinch:
sffsfsfsfsffsfsffsfsf
I had a friend who had a special ceremony after her daughter was born, where she, and all of the guests, ate some of the placenta before it was buried on a ley-line.
I didn't go. :sick:
You didn't have anything to wear...right?Quote:
Originally Posted by Blythorama
Peace bd
or you didn't have to wear anything:naughty:Quote:
Originally Posted by brotherdoobie
Quote:
Originally Posted by gripper103.2
That would have been more like it. She's into woad daubing.
Blue people Rock FTW:01:
That's because the woad contains hallucinogens. They can't help it.Quote:
Originally Posted by gripper103.2
Unless they are smurfs.
I told the woad not to go to the Indigo Girls concert. Now the woad hasQuote:
Originally Posted by Blythorama
an inferiority complex.
Peace bd
FTW = Fuck The Woad. :01:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbarossa
The Woad agrees.
I had to Google 'woad daubing'.
Is this common in England 'cos everyone seemed to know exactly what it was 'cept me :dabs:
Bloody ell call yourself Welsh,I thought you all still daubed the woad on a sat night and went binge drinkin
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbarossa
The nights are going to be the worse...sleepless...months of it... :) luckily for children, nature has designed the critters to resemble their father, until they are old enough to escape on foot...
but dont worry, it only gets worse...:O
:ermm:Quote:
Originally Posted by gripper103.2
what is it?
Google it, like I had to.
Still duno properly tho' - I think it's painting people with lsd :ermm: