A Tale of a Bird, Lesbians, Pussy and my Back Window - Pics included!

So, there I was, watching Teletubbies with my Son on my lap at 5:30am this morning, when a noise that I can only describe as akin to a snowball hitting a window alerted me to the fact that we weren't the only two mortal beings awake at such an ungodly hour.

Cheered by this, I looked left to see feathers settling on my windowsill, both inside and outside of the window. We stealthily crept over to investigate and it became apparant that a bird had flown into the window, bounced off and hit the patio - already there was a HUGE cat, looking to pounce upon the wounded prey.

With the missus upstairs in bed, we did the only thing we could - rushed downstairs into the kitchen and out of the back door to confront the feral feline and save the askew avian adventurer.

After a brief skirmish the cat ran away. It was then I realised that I didn't really know what to do with the injured bird, like feck was I taking care of it, so I did what any other reponsible person would do. I shouted for the lesbians that live next door to come and help me. They did too, catching the thrush in a damp (:smilie4:) towel and hieing it away to the safety of their debauched dwelling.

http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/8...6005lb8.th.jpg http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/7...6004mi2.th.jpg


I treated the lad to chocolate buttons for breakfast instead of Cherios because, goddamnit, he deserved it.

Sounds hawt. :01:

However, when Doris gets here he's going to tell you that you should have let the cat eat the bird, because that would have taught your boy the important life lesson that it's better to be an opportunist predator in life, than some kind of sick emo blind spotty bird :no:


EDIT: Even if you do get looked after by lesbians :mellow:

I think I impressed the lesbians with my vigilance :smilie4:

I suspect a follow-up visit next door will be necessary, to make sure the bird recovered OK, like :naughty:

If the bird is gonna be dumb enough to fly into a window then i think it deserves to be eaten ....

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Originally Posted by gemby!

If the bird is gonna be dumb enough to fly into a window then i think it deserves to be eaten ....

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I can see how you came to that conclusion but in the bird's defence, my windows are perfectly clear - I don't live in smeggy London.

oi ! how else do i stop the chavs in my area from breaking in after seeing what i have to offer











:naughty:

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Originally Posted by manker

With the missus upstairs in bed, we did the only thing we could - rushed downstairs into the kitchen and out of the back door to confront the feral feline and save the askew skewer the avian adventurer.

Shish kebab, ftw.

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Corrected.

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Originally Posted by gemby!

:naughty:

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:lol:


I've noticed that you're extremely evocative of emotion with emoticons.

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Originally Posted by F. Canard

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Originally Posted by manker

With the missus upstairs in bed, we did the only thing we could - rushed downstairs into the kitchen and out of the back door to confront the feral feline and save the askew skewer the avian adventurer.

Shish kebab, ftw.

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Corrected.

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Brute.

Yeah, that manker's a git. I would have killed the bird a bit more humainly than shoving a pencil up it's arse.

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Originally Posted by manker

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Originally Posted by gemby!

:naughty:

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:lol:


I've noticed that you're extremely evocative of emotion with emoticons.

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It's a natural talent :happy:

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Originally Posted by F. Canard

Yeah, that manker's a git. I would have killed the bird a bit more humainly than shoving a pencil up it's arse.

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Look how sharp its beak is.

You'd have shit your pants and called for the lesbians before I did :smilie4:

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Originally Posted by F. Canard

Yeah, that manker's a git. I would have killed the bird a bit more humainly than shoving a pencil up it's arse.

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He's given him to the lesbians, you can't get much more humaine than that. :smilie4:

I spelt humane with an 'I' :wub:

lolz, you both did.

I spelled 'apparent' incorrectly in the first post, glag.

I done it on porpoise, cos I thought you did too :happy:

Awww I think it's great the way you tell stories, anyone else would have just posted "A fecking bird hit my window and woz gonna get ate by this fat cat and so I called the ruggies from next door to 'elp"
But you put it so beautifully.

btw. The Lesbians caught thrush while at your house? :unsure:

Jonno :cool:

Well, I wanted to live up to the superb thread title. I had to put in a bit of flowery language.

I wonder if lesbians get thrush more or less than women in a relationship with a bloke. I'm thinking a daily dose of man-fat (no offence, Jonno, it's just a euphemism for spunk) might increase the likelihood of fungal infection :smilie4:

Firstly. Yes I agree that you had to live up to the flamboyance of the stylistic title.

Secondly. I wonder if since it's called man fat that you actually lose wieght through discharge......effects not noticed so far, must do more research.

Thirdly (teehee, sounds almost like turdly). I don't know, maybe we should ask a lesbian.......any takers?

Jonno :cool:

I reckon Nikki would know - not that she's a lesbian, it just seems like something she would know about.




Edit: I don't mean that she comes across as a woman who would get a lot of thrush infections either, I'm sure she is fastidiously clean in that area :ermm:

Well as much as I'd like to go into detail I think the thought of forced colonic irrigation for discussing said details is far less appealing than just agreeing with you in silence......... I think :blink:

And no she's not lesbonic, I tested that by showing her my mangina :mellow:

Jonno :cool:

Everyone seems to have overlooked the most important aspect of this thread.

Which episode of Teletubbies were you watching?

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Originally Posted by lynx

Everyone seems to have overlooked the most important aspect of this thread.

Which episode of Teletubbies were you watching?

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Actually, at the point the bird hit the window, we were watching an episode of Firefly - Jaynestown. Needed a way to introduce the lad to the plot because he was integral to the tale later on.

I'd been up since four watching crap like Teletubbies/Balamory/Bob the cunting Builder and needed a break :dabs:

balamory aint crap - there is a man who lives in a pink castle...what more do you need in a show ?

Gratuitous sex scenes, with plenty of norks, but no willies.

The thread title caught my eye, couldn't help tit.

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Originally Posted by F. Canard

Gratuitous sex scenes, with plenty of norks, but no willies.

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There is no such thing as a gratuitous sex scene, that's just mad talk.

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Originally Posted by Chip Monk

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Originally Posted by F. Canard

Gratuitous sex scenes, with plenty of norks, but no willies.

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There is no such thing as a gratuitous sex scene, that's just mad talk.

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I just typed out a possible scenario for a sex scene that would, indeed, be gratuitous - and then realised that I'd be quite wrong if I posted it as it wasn't gratuitous.

Further, despite much penseage, I can't think of a single instance in which I'd describe a sex scene as gratuitous.

Shortly put - I agree with you.

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Originally Posted by manker

Shortly put - I agree with you.

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oh for cawks sake, what am i going to do now.

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Originally Posted by Mr JP Fugley

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Originally Posted by manker

Shortly put - I agree with you.

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oh for cawks sake, what am i going to do now.

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Might as well shut the forum down, flowe :dabs:

indeed, if the right thinking element like ourselves start to go about agreeing with one and other what's the point like.

i feel a little tier in me eye

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Originally Posted by manker

I reckon Nikki would know - not that she's a lesbian, it just seems like something she would know about.




Edit: I don't mean that she comes across as a woman who would get a lot of thrush infections either, I'm sure she is fastidiously clean in that area :ermm:

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LMAO - I don't honestly think it makes a difference lesbian or straight. The things that cause them would still be the same. They're typically caused by dampness like sweating, staying in a wet bathing suit, staying too long in the tub. Strangely enough, using feminine sprays and washes makes them worse, because they kill any of the body's natural bacteria that fight infection. I guess a straight woman is slightly more likely to get one, given the increased amount of fluid from sexual intercourse, but that's saying that she doesn't clean up afterwards.

I just know Skweeky is gonna say something about me and yeast infections again. :ph34r:

Hmm, interesting. So is a quick once over with a wet-wipe considered cleaning up cos I've never noticed any woman do more than that.

Then again, what do I know. There's often a dash to the bathroom and I don't really know what my main woman gets up to in there -- plus I'm normally asleep by the time she gets back.

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Originally Posted by manker

Hmm, interesting. So is a quick once over with a wet-wipe considered cleaning up cos I've never noticed any woman do more than that.

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Whilst for guys a quick wipe on the curtains is more than enough cleanage.

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Originally Posted by NikkiD

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Originally Posted by manker

I reckon Nikki would know - not that she's a lesbian, it just seems like something she would know about.




Edit: I don't mean that she comes across as a woman who would get a lot of thrush infections either, I'm sure she is fastidiously clean in that area :ermm:

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LMAO - I don't honestly think it makes a difference lesbian or straight. The things that cause them would still be the same. They're typically caused by dampness like sweating, staying in a wet bathing suit, staying too long in the tub. Strangely enough, using feminine sprays and washes makes them worse, because they kill any of the body's natural bacteria that fight infection. I guess a straight woman is slightly more likely to get one, given the increased amount of fluid from sexual intercourse, but that's saying that she doesn't clean up afterwards.

I just know Skweeky is gonna say something about me and yeast infections again. :ph34r:

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A promising thread gone cawk-eyed.

Oh, gall...bitter, bitter wormwood. :(

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Originally Posted by Mr JP Fugley

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Originally Posted by manker

Hmm, interesting. So is a quick once over with a wet-wipe considered cleaning up cos I've never noticed any woman do more than that.

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Whilst for guys a quick wipe on the curtains is more than enough cleanage.

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You posh Scotch :no2:

If you do that, more often than not you won't get the comedy double stream when going for a pish in the morning.

I furst heard that as "twinjet" and thought the comedyist meant a small twinge. I couldn't understand why your am pish being a wee bit sore was funny.

It then occured that he (Frank Skinner if memory serves) meant a twin-jet. I laughed, more at me being dense, than the observation itself.

True story

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Originally Posted by manker

...There's often a dash to the bathroom and I don't really know what my main woman gets up to in there -- plus I'm normally asleep by the time she gets back.

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She's probably doing the laundry to get the blood off the green towels.

:shuriken:

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Originally Posted by manker

Hmm, interesting. So is a quick once over with a wet-wipe considered cleaning up cos I've never noticed any woman do more than that.

Then again, what do I know. There's often a dash to the bathroom and I don't really know what my main woman gets up to in there -- plus I'm normally asleep by the time she gets back.

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Wanking :naughty: