"Once I'm officially Regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified."
- Dwight Schrute (The Office)
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"Once I'm officially Regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified."
- Dwight Schrute (The Office)
"Homer Simpson, you are hereby found guilty of attempted insecticide and aggravated buggery.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...px-Dabf162.jpg
"Ok now guys, we're about to enter a warehouse environment now. I'll just warn you that some of the people in here will be working class. So there may be some arse cleavage. Just find a partner, hold hands and don't talk to anyone."
- Tim (The British Office)
All I wanted was to make the world a better place... and to make an assload of money.
- Sparks, Sealab 2021
Dolphins: one of the smartest mammals on Earth. Do they wear pants? No! But they *wish* they did. That's how smart they are!"
-Tom Servo (MST3K)
[sung to the tune of Jingle Bells] Dolphin meat! Dolphin meat! Nature's greatest treat! Oh what fun, it is to eat That damn, damn dolphin meat!
- Marco (Sealab 2021)
Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
David Brent The Office
Ned: Are fireworks legal in Mexico?
Jimbo: Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way.
-South Park
-bd
GEORGE: I must say it's rather strange, Blackadder. Why would an anarchist possibly want to kill you?
BLACKADDER: I think it's you he was trying to kill, sir.
GEORGE: Oh, hogwash. How could you possibly think that?
BLACKADDER: Well, my suspicions were first aroused by his use of the words "death to the stupid prince."
Tracy Jordan: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?
-30 Rock
RICK: Neil, is it really necessary to have the light on when you're in the bath?
NEIL: Well, yeah.
RICK: Why, what are you planning to do - photosynthesize?
The Young Ones
Gina: [Gina's boyfriend Martin is in a coma] Kiss me right in front of him.
Jerry: I can't. What if he wakes up.
Gina: A man is lying here unconscious and you're afraid of him. What kind of a man are you?
Jerry: I'm a man who respects a good coma.
-Seinfeld
"Suzanne, if sex were fast food, there'd be an arch over your bed!"
--Julia Sugarbaker, Designing Women
You may be immortal but I can still do damage. How'd you like to spend eternity in 5 pieces?"
--Xena, Xena: Warrior Princess
"There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship...and never abandon a member of your crew."
--Captain Katherine Janeway, Star Trek Voyager
"I'm from England, the country that used to own you people."
--Daphne Moon , Frasier
Daniel Desario: I wrote out some Ramones songs.
Nick Andopolis: The Ramones? They only use like three chords
Daniel Andopolis: So? I'll learn another one.
-Freaks And Geeks
Mike: Neil, it is very rare you interest me, but today you have. Why do you keep coming in here, carrying a cake, and saying surprise?
Neil: It's my birthday.
Mike: Now you knew that anyway, and we don't care, so where's the surprise?
- The Young Ones.
Groundskeeper Willie: Ach Wendel. Tis a mighty puddle of puke.
Wendell: I'm sorry.
Groundskeeper Willie: That's all right lad. You reminded me of why I got into this work in the first place.
-The Simpsons