:rolleyes: a mother walks into her daughters room holding a condom i hope you havnt been sexualy active. the blonde daughter replys :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
no i just lay there :D
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:rolleyes: a mother walks into her daughters room holding a condom i hope you havnt been sexualy active. the blonde daughter replys :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
no i just lay there :D
:rolleyes: why did god create blondes
:P cause sheep cant get you a beer from the fridge
santa the easter bunny the tooth fairy and a smat blonde where walking down the street and spot a hundred dollar bill
:o
which one got the bill
:rolleyes:
no1 because all four dont existe and the dumb blont thought it was a gum wrapper :P
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
:o what do ya call a blonde that dies her hair bernett
:lol: artificial inteligence
:o what does a blonde say when you blow in her ear
:lol: thanx for the refill
:o There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
:o do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&Ms factory
:rolleyes: for throuin gout the Ws
:o whats the diffrence between a blonde an dyour job
:lol: 6 months later your job stll sucks
:o A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."
:P
:o whys it good to have a blonde in your passenger seat
:P you can use hadicap parking
:o A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".
After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN
RESTROOMS 8 MILES".
By the time she drove eight miles, shehad cleaned 43 restrooms.
:lol: : whats the first thing a blonde does in the morning
:lol: ;) WALK HOME
Two blondes walk into a building ...you'd think one of them would have seen it :D
How do you know when a blondes been at a computer? ...when there's tipex on the screen :lol:
why dont blonds wear hoop earrings? :huh:
cause their heels get stuck in em! :lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: ;) nice1Quote:
Two blondes walk into a building ...you'd think one of them would have seen it
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: Try this
A blonde and a brunette are walking along together and the brunette says "Look a dead bird!"
The blond scans the sky and says "Where?" :rolleyes:
a few more...
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as
opposed to a regular one?
(You have to hollow out the head.)
Why won't they hire blondes as pharmacists?
(They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the
typewriters.)
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it in the
afternoon.
What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
(They drowned during Spring Training.)
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
(To see what was on the other side.)
How did the blonde die drinking milk?
(The cow stepped on her.)
How did the blonde burn her nose?
(Bobbing for French fries.)
Why do blondes have more fun?
(They're easier to amuse.)
What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
(Frosted flakes.)
Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
(They keep breaking them with their hammers.)
Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the
air?
(She missed.)
What is it when a blonde blows into another blonde's ear?
(Data transfer.)
Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
(Because she read that one child out of every four born
was Chinese.)
Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead?
(She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make
up her mind.)
Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out
light bulbs?
(She needed them for the darkroom she was building.)
Why are Asians so smart?
(No blondes.)
here's one:
2 blondes are driving down the highway when they see a field of wheat. they spot boat in the field with a blonde in it rowing. the first blonde in the car says "It's blondes like this that give us a bad name", and the second blonde in the car replies "Ya! If I knew how to swim, I'd go and teach her a lesson!" :lol: :lol: :lol:
a blind man walks in a bar, he asks the bartender for a beer and says to her, " hey ive got a great blonde joke to tell you." the bartender then speaks up and says " look mr. there's something you ought to know. im blonde and i own the bar, there are two other blondes in here aswell, ones a lawyer and the other is a female body builder, are you sure you want to tell that joke mr." he responds " no, i suppose i dont." the blonde body builder then speaks up and says, " great im glad you see it our way, cause i'd hate to have to hurt ya!" then the blonde lawyer says, "or sue ya!" and the bartender says, " or throw you out of my bar!" then the blind man says, " yes, well i'd hate to have to explain it to the three of you dummies after i told it!"
:rolleyes: :lol: :lol: :lol:Quote:
Why are Asians so smart?
(No blondes.)
Quote:
Try this
A blonde and a brunette are walking along together and the brunette says "Look a dead bird!"
The blond scans the sky and says "Where?"
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Why did the blonde steal the Police car?
Because she saw 9-1-1 on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
:o why was the blonde staring at a juice bottle
:lol: because it said concentrate
:o why did the blonde climb a glass wall
:lol: to see the other side
:o what did the blonde ask her docter when she was pregnate
:lol: is it mine
:o A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes
out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and
when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take
out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend
yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up,
you're next!" :rolleyes:
:o in the mind of a blonde Anally - occurring yearly
Artery - study of paintings
Bacteria - back door of cafeteria
Caesarian section - district in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - sheepdog
Coma - a punctuation mark
Congenital - friendly
Dilate - to live long
Enema - not a friend
Fester - quicker
Fibula - a small lie
Impotent - distinguished, well known
Intense pain - torture in a teepee
Labour pain - getting hurt at work
Medical staff - doctor's cane
Morbid - higher offer
Nitrate - cheaper than day rate
Outpatient - person who has fainted
Pathology - a rambler's association
Post operative - letter carrier
Protein - favouring young people
Radiologist - Dr Fox on Capital FM
Rectum - damn near killed 'em
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Secretion - hiding anything
Serology - study of knighthood
Terminal illness - sickness at airport
Tumour - an extra pair
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - located nearby
:P
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: classic!Quote:
Originally posted by DrunkeNStylE@29 September 2003 - 09:19
:o what did the blonde ask her docter when she was pregnate
:lol: is it mine
:o A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes
out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and
when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take
out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend
yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up,
you're next!" :rolleyes:
Q. How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
A. she opens the car door ...
;) my blonde friend was reading these and no shi*in she didnt understand half of them lol im not lying funny stuff
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show
> in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee,
> he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the
> fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of
> your stupid blonde jokes.
>
> What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the
> color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
>
> It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and
> in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because
> you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only
> blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!" The
> ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde
> yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on
> your knee!"
:o what a blondes favorite nursury rhyme
:lol: humpme dumpme
:o how come blondes wear green lipstick
:lol: cause red means stop
:o why did the blonde put the condum on her ear
:lol: she was afraid of getting hearing aids
:o why do blonde have bruses all over there stomach
:lol: cause blonde guys arnt that smart either
HI,
These are the most fuuniest shit in the world, I just printed these out and I am going to keep these in a safe. Thanks for the good laughs,
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: i feel so ......... apresheatedQuote:
I just printed these out and I am going to keep these in a safe.
:lol: A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"Come on! Jump! You gotta jump." say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You are going to pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.
"No! It's brunettes that we can't stand. We're Okay with Redheads." repied the firemen.
"Okay." said the redhead, and she jumped. SWISH! The firemen yanked the blanket away, and the lady was flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Finally, the blonde stepped to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yelled, "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away." yelled the blonde. "No! Really! You have to jump. We won't pull the blanket away," answered the firemen.
"Look," the blonde said. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away. So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it."
:rolleyes: Two blonde men were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.The other blonde guy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"The second blonde guy got completely upset and yelled, "You MORON! The nails that are pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!"
:lol: A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?" asked the blonde.
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'the blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building.
Suddenly, the officer notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, "Why did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?"
The blonde answers in a very weak voice, "We wanted to try out our new maxi-pads, with wings..."
i dont know if this is true but its funny stuff
:lol: WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
And, yes, Linda is a blonde.
:lol: Did you hear that they found another "Heaven Gates" cult member? Yea...it was a blonde and she was under the sink looking for the comet!
:lol: Did you hear about the blonde that threw away her weight loss video because she noticed that the people on the video were not losing weight either?
New Blonde Bride
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price."
"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, 'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska."
Q.) There were three girls, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They were all in the fifth grade. A 17 year-old guy comes and asks one of them out. But which did he ask?
A.) Easy. The blonde one, because she's also 17.!
Q.) What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A.) Nothing. They've never met.
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Scroll down...
Scroll up...
here you go blondes
B eutifull
L ovely
O n Top
N aughty
D irrty
E asy
:P
What's the difference between a blonde and a boeing747? Not everyone's been in a boeing747.
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to rob a bank? She tied up the safe and blew the guard. :lol:
Two blondes are walking down ths street and they find a mirror. The first blonde picks it up and says, "this person looks fimiliar". The second takes the mirror and says, " you idiot thats me!"
:lol: :o What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
:lol: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking
:o What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
:lol: The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs.
:o How do you give a blonde more headroom?
:lol: Adjust the steering wheel.
:o Why did the blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel?
:lol: She was trying to blow the horn
:o Why does a blonde wear panties?
:lol: To keep her ankles warm.
:o Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
:lol: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets
:lol: A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat
this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have
lost at least five pounds.
"When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my
instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop
dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."
:lol: One day while returning to my desk after a routine call, one of our
blonde female employees flagged me down and asked for help.
"My floppy drive won't work, can you help me?"
I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine,
where I found shredded up clear plastic Baggie-like stuff
hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive.
While I spent the next 20 minutes getting her disk out and
digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys in the corner of the
office trying awful hard to keep a straight face.
Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the plastic got
into the drive. "Oh, you mean the condom!"
"Condom???"
"Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom
on my disk before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses"
By this point John & Dave were roaring and it was all I could
do to keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be
a standard 3.5" plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her
that a practical joke had been played and she shouldn't do
that anymore, then she asked in a dead-serious voice:
"Does that mean I don't have to stroke it ten times or blow on
it either?"
:lol: John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem,"
says Buffy.
"What's the matter?" asks John.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces
fit together and I can't find any edges," she tells him.
"What's the picture of?" asks John.
"It's of a big Rooster," replies Buffy.
"All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look."
So he goes over to Buffy's house and she shows him the jigsaw on the
kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says,
"For Pete's sake - put the Cornflakes back in the Box!"
:lol:
A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine
and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out.
She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceded to put two more coins into
the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.
She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar.
A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her, he said "Excuse me, Miss...what are you
doing?"
She said, "its the most amazing thing i win every time i play
:rolleyes: couple blonde flash my fav is boobies jiggle
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!
Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!
Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray
Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Their are two blondes working at a company together. The rest
are redheads and brunettes. One day a blonde came in and
started yelling "I'm a light, I'm a light!" The boss went over
to her and and told her that if she yelled that again she would
get fired. So the next day the blonde came in yelling "I'm a
light, I'm a light!" The boss went over too her and told her
that she was fired. So she started to pack her bags and her
other blonde friend was packing her bags too. The boss went
over to her and said "Why are you packing your bags I fired
your friend not you?" "I know", said the blonde "but how am I
supposed to work without a light?"
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A man stopped his car to ask for directions. "Excuse me, Sir.
What's the quickest way to town?"
"Are you walking or driving?" asked the local man.
"I'm driving."
"Well, that's the quickest way!"
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This blonde walks into a convinience store and the clerk asked
if her blinker was on, she looked back and said, "Yes, no, yes,
no, etc...."
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One day, a blonde walked into a bar. The bartender asked her
what her drink would be and she told him. She then asked him to
turn the 6 a'clock news on. Doing so, the news showed a man on
the golden gate bridge threatening to put an end to his life.
The redhead next to her also watching, offered a bet to the
blonde that the man would eventually jump. The blonde jumped at
the opportunity and said a definite yes. About 7 minutes later
the man plunged to his death. The redhead was claiming her 50$
dollar prize when she confessed "I can't accept this, I saw
this story at 12 o'clock. I knew what would happen". The blonde
replied "Yes you can, I saw the same story at 12, but I thought
he had learned his lesson this time!"
lol those jokes are funny