Twenty very difficult months
I made my step-dad a promise that he would never go back to a nursing facility again. I kept that promise. It was an awful 20 months that caused severe stress and tension on my family and myself. Instead of appreciating that he had a kind family willing to take care of him, we got a mix of bitterness, manipulation, drug addiction and withdrawal, subversion, and that doesn't even begin to include the physical work it takes to care for someone with advanced Parkinson's disease.
My lack of presence and humor we among many costs of the past (almost) two years.
His sister requested that I send her half of his ashes so that she could spread them in his hometown. I struggled with how I would eventually deal with the awful ways he treated my mother during her last few years and his desire to be scattered with her. I have decided that the half in my possession are all of the good things he used to be: a provider for my mother for over 30 years, a hard worker, a generous and caring man, and the man who got me out of a bad childhood twice when he had no obligation to do so at all.
The good parts of him will rest at Lake Crescent on the Washington coast with my mother. Chances are good our Postal Service will lose/scatter the rest of him on the way to Oregon.
Re: Twenty very difficult months
You and your family should be commended for all that patience. A noble act of kindness well done.
(Went though something similar many years ago with an Alzheimer’s afflicted family member... I joined FST soon after.)
Re: Twenty very difficult months
Thank you. Both Parkinson's and Alzheimer's are horrible. Very sorry for you and your loved one.
I've done my best to make amends for the turmoil my family were brought into without really being allowed to choose. Apologies and money only make up for so much.
Definitely a lot of healing to do ahead of us. Heck, even the house looks like a tornado tore through the interior.
Re: Twenty very difficult months
You are a saint. It did not rise to the same level, but I can definitely see parallels to the later years of my grandmothers before they passed.
Hope you and yours have some time to focus on yourselves and your own needs going forward.
Re: Twenty very difficult months
Ngl Saint Meg has a nice ring to it :D
Truth is that he passed on May 2 and I am just now coming out of a dark shell. There was no emotion that fit with the experience. Nothing feels right about it.
In my mind I pictured somehow making him happy. That's not always possible, it seems. And constantly trying to do so and failing takes a HUGE toll.
I have a few legal things to take care of then we're all headed to stay in the West Wing of Idol's mansion.
Re: Twenty very difficult months
Quote:
Originally Posted by
megabyteme
I made my step-dad a promise that he would never go back to a nursing facility again. I kept that promise. It was an awful 20 months that caused severe stress and tension on my family and myself. Instead of appreciating that he had a kind family willing to take care of him, we got a mix of bitterness, manipulation, drug addiction and withdrawal, subversion, and that doesn't even begin to include the physical work it takes to care for someone with advanced Parkinson's disease.
My lack of presence and humor we among many costs of the past (almost) two years.
His sister requested that I send her half of his ashes so that she could spread them in his hometown. I struggled with how I would eventually deal with the awful ways he treated my mother during her last few years and his desire to be scattered with her. I have decided that the half in my possession are all of the good things he used to be: a provider for my mother for over 30 years, a hard worker, a generous and caring man, and the man who got me out of a bad childhood twice when he had no obligation to do so at all.
The good parts of him will rest at Lake Crescent on the Washington coast with my mother. Chances are good our Postal Service will lose/scatter the rest of him on the way to Oregon.
Your stepfather was a nurse in Lake Crescent?
PS Reading comprehension isn't really my thing.
PPS There goes my theory that this was some sort of leftist plot to have shay replace you.
Re: Twenty very difficult months
Your reading comprehension isn't inherently bad, you have simply developed a condition known as Shaylexia.
Re: Twenty very difficult months
It also told you that all relatives are close to hott to look after him, both you and your sister in the same manner, otherwise it happens that often this responsibility goes to one person
Re: Twenty very difficult months
In my experience, except for baby polar bears, the world is a pretty bleak place.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqMMHAb_sr8
Of course mature polar bears will happily disembowel you but that's a story for another day.
Re: Twenty very difficult months
Interesting...I never realized that I sit up just like a baby polar bear.