A Bit Of A Laugh

[baccyman]

The Cadbury's Candy and the Merck Drug companies have combined to market the new Mint flavored birth control pill that women may take immediately before sex.
They will be distributed by the large major drug store chains and Walmart's Pharmacies.

They're going to be called: 'Predickamints'

[baccyman]

One day a farmer was bragging to his neighbor that his dog was so smart he could count.
The other farmer didn't believe him, so the first farmer ordered his dog to go count the geese in the pond out back. The dog took off, came back, and barked 4 times.

Both farmers went out back to check if the dog was right, and sure enough there were 4 geese in sight.

Back at the farm house the neighbor said that the dog was lucky and wanted more proof, so the farmer sent the dog off again.

This time the dog came back and barked 6 times, and when they went to check, sure enough there were 6 geese.

But the neighbor was still unsatisfied, and demanded another demonstration, so the first farmer agreed to send the dog out one more time.

On the dogs return he started humping his masters leg, then picked up a stick and started shaking it.

"I knew that fool dog couldn't count," said the neighbor triumphantly.

"Oh, yes he can," said the farmer, "you just can't understand him. He just said there are more f**king geese than you can shake a stick at."

[baccyman]

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.

After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

[baccyman]

My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."

[baccyman]

Gentlemen:
I have been riding trains daily for the last two years and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly, A Commuter

Dear Sir:
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.

Sincerely, The Railroad

Gentlemen:
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass. That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years.

Yours truly, A Commuter

[Mat_At_Home]

Originally posted by baccy_man@28 November 2003 - 18:56
they only count as one post . you will notice that my post count is 81 . and i don't want to spoil you by posting everything at once . hope that you all enjoy them

Oh ok then! Hehehe.

scribblec Posted: 28 November 2003 - 22:26 

keep em coming mate and dont listen to that noob sayong bout post count!!

Fuk u dikhed.

Good jokes!

[baccyman]

A young man studying in a college abroad sent this SMS to his father: Dear dad, no mon, no fun, your son.
The father replied: Dear son, too bad, so sad, your dad.

[baccyman]

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.

[baccyman]

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

[baccyman]

A Zebra in a circus became sick. So the owner decided to leave it in a farm until it recovered. After a few days the zebra was well enough to walk around, and so he decided to take a walk around the farm.
While going around he met a chicken, and he said, "I am a Zebra, I work in a circus. Who are you?"

The chicken replied, "I am a chicken, I scratch the ground and lay eggs."

He then met a cow, and after similar introduction, the cow said, "I am a cow, I say moo, and I give milk. When I can't give milk, they eat me."

After he had met all the animals, he approached the last - a bull. "I am a Zebra, I work in the circus. Who are you, and what do you do?"

The bull said, "Take off those pajamas and I'll show you who I am and what I do."