A Bit Of A Laugh

[baccyman]

The Pharaoh was dictating, and his scribe was busily chipping away at the stone tablet. "I have plans . . . to form," the monarch said slowly, "a personal bodyguard . . . of stalwart . . .and virile . . . young men."
The chips flew, but then suddenly ceased flying, and the perspiring chiseler looked up inquiringly, "Excuse me, your Majesty, but is virile spelled with one or two testicles?"



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A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $800."

"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher’s wife. "May I ask who you are?"

the sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.

[Autumn Fox]

Originally posted by baccy_man@6 August 2004 - 11:55
(...)"I'm the landlord," he sobbed.

Ain't he a nice fella

[baccyman]

all heart

[baccyman]

After a heart-transplant operation, the patient was receiving instructions from his doctor. He was placed on a strict diet, denied tobacco and advised to get at least eight hours’ sleep a night.
Finally, the patient asked: "What about my sex life, Doc? Will it be all right for me to have intercourse?"

"Just with your wife," responded the doctor. "We don’t want you to get too excited."



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After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days.
Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."

He looked confused. "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged.

"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."

[cpt_azad]

hahaha lmao

[baccyman]

Patient: Doctor I have a sore throat, I ache, and have a fever.
Doctor: Sounds like some kind of virus.
Patient: Everyone in the office has it.
Doctor: Well then, maybe it’s a staff infection


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This little Rabbi gets on a train. At the next stop a group of Priests get on. After a while one of them goes to the Rabbi and says: "why does everybody think that Jews are smarter than gentiles?"
The Rabbi says that he is just a simple Rabbi and really doesn't want to get involved in this kind of discussion. The Priest insists and says that he wants to test the theory and make a bet.

The Priest says that he will pay the Rabbi $1,000 if the Rabbi asks him a question that he can't answer, and that the Rabbi should pay him $1,000 if he can ask the Rabbi a question that the Rabbi can't answer.

The Rabbi says that he is but a poor Rabbi and only has $50 on him to prepare for Shabbat. The Priest says fine then we'll make it my $1,000 against your $50. The Rabbi sees that he can't get out of this so he agrees but on one condition; that he goes first.

The Priest agrees. The Rabbi asks the priest the following question: What kind of animal has the body of a lion, the face of a gorilla, the ears of a donkey, three sets of wings, hooves on it's front legs and 5 webbed toes on it's rear legs, swims under water and flies in the air?

The priest is taken aback and admits that he doesn't know then asks if he could consult with his fellow clergymen. The Rabbi agrees but after 10 minutes the Priest returns with no answer and hands over to the Rabbi $1,000.

He then asks the Rabbi what kind of animal was it?

The Rabbi says "how should I know"? and gives him $50.00

[Keikan]

Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"

Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"

Bob says, "I lied about my age."

His friends respond, "What did you tell her, that you are only 50?"

"No," he replied, "I told her I was 90."

??????????????????????????????????????

[Autumn Fox]

Originally posted by Keikan@10 August 2004 - 08:28

Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"

Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"

Bob says, "I lied about my age."

His friends respond, "What did you tell her, that you are only 50?"

"No," he replied, "I told her I was 90."

??????????????????????????????????????

She thinks that he's gonna die soon (As a wife she would take his fortune) Get it ?

[baccyman]

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.

When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender says "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah, my wife..."

[Keikan]

The bartender says "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah, my wife..."

I had a simuliar situation