How To Get To Heaven When You Die

[xfrodobagginsx]

Please take the time to read this first post and pray that prayer to God at the bottom of it if you haven't yet.

[bigboab]

"Put away from among yourselves that wicked person."
Stay away from "fornicators", "idolaters", and "drunkards". Do not associate, speak to, or eat dinner with such "wicked" people. 5:9-13

Why don't you comply with the above and go and preach somewhere else?

I hope Reality does not see this extract. He will close down the Forum.

P.S. We are all in there somewhere.

[Biggles]

Please take the time to read this first post and pray that prayer to God at the bottom of it if you haven't yet.

I'm detecting a distinct lack of the promised meaningful discussion here.

Just a diet of the same old lame cliches. The failure to address any of the issues raised undermines the credibility of the first post.

[WeeMouse]

My Dad says I'm going to the bad fire.

He's probably right

Heaven exists I'm sure, but as a fornicating drunkard I'm going to find a back way in, like a fire door left propped opened.

[Biggles]

My Dad says I'm going to the bad fire.

He's probably right

Heaven exists I'm sure, but as a fornicating drunkard I'm going to find a back way in, like a fire door left propped opened.

You could do a girlie blag past security.

[chalice]

Heaven.

There'll be lots of drinking in Heaven,
Smoking and eating and sex.
What you didn't do in this life, bad for you
Will be totally cool in the next.

In Heaven there'll be beer for breakfast.
At lunch it's Tequila and wine.
And the soup served with dinner is made with paint thinner
And the morning-hereafter feels fine.

Good behaviour will get ya to Heaven.
It's Beaulah Land, that's where we're bound.
But nobody makes nice up there in paradise.
When ya get up there, then ya get down.

And the angels have ashtrays in Heaven.
St. Peter puffs on a cigar.
That's right, smoking's allowed.
That's what makes all those clouds.
And ya don't have to sit at the bar.

And they eat all day long up in Heaven.
And nobody ever gets fat.
No, not one calorie and the ice cream is free.
It comes in a pint, quart or a vat.

And it's just one big orgy in Heaven.
And nobody ever says no.
And it's front, sideways, back and you start to lose track
But you don't lose your get up and go.

There'll be lots of drinking in Heaven,
Smoking and eating and sex.
What you didn't do in this life bad for you
Will be totally cool in the next.

In Heaven there'll be beer for breakfast.
At lunch it's Sambuka and wine.
The Gazpacho with dinner is made with paint thinner
And the morning here-after feels fine.

Loudon Wainwright III.

[masterbat]

Would we feel ashamed
If we got drunk in heaven?
Who would get the blame
If we passed out in heaven?
Beer would be strong
And never gone
Do you know if they're serving beer in heaven?

Would it come in cans
If they have beer in heaven?
Would they have my brand
If they served beer in heaven?
You think it pays
To pray this way?
"Lord, I hope they let me drink beer in heaven"

Wine would make me frown
Can't handle whiskey
Moonshine in a jar, brings me to my knees...toss cookies

My only cure
Pass on liquor
So I hope that there will be beer in heaven...

Can you say there ain't
Any cold beer in heaven?
Could you be a saint
If you drank beer in heaven?
I must be wrong
I'll end this song
'Cause I'm sure Peter won't drink beer in heaven...

[Alien5]

what if god was one of us? just a stranger on the bus...

[Sextent]

That's just mad talk

[chalice]

That's just mad talk

Yep, that crazy bastard would be driving the bus.